yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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