actually, I'm a sock model
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
