BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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