he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
