i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
