I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
