his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
