That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
