you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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