My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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