Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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