I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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