dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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