You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I've blown a few things in my day
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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