brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
