i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
