he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
