im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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