and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
