these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
