the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
