Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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