When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
