everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
