He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
