How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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