Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
