and she was petting her beer can
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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