he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
