Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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