we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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