Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
