Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
