I love black thongs
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
