JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
