I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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