OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
