I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
