she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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