My first STD was from a foam party
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
