Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
