Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
