did you get engaged???
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
