He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
