3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
