She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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