Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This house was built for laser tag.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
In other news, I just burned my penis
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
