It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
