**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
