but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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