i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
