I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
